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525,600 minutes

11/29/2012

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Her Board of Directors asked her for a quantitative report, not simply the usual monthly financial statement.  They wanted a breakdown of time. Specifically, they wanted to know how much time per week, month, year was dedicated to fundraising.  Ultimately they were asking how much time was required for fundraising activities to sustain a successful program.  Probably all directors of non-profit organizations are able to speak at length about program benefits, service to the community, lives that are changed as a result of the program activities.  Anecdotes, client testimonials are abundant - and subjective.  Her Board wanted measurable data.  That is a legitimate request from responsible board members.  Yet it is a complex request and often it is difficult to quantify elements that contribute to success.  So she called me to ask if I knew a simple formula, an equation or percentage to explain that x + y = success. 

As we spoke, we uncovered the real questions.  How does one measure efforts directed toward a goal?  How many hours does it take to change attitudes and behaviors?  How do we prove what has been prevented in terms of destructive behaviors decreased, eliminated, never begun? Does a chance encounter in the grocery store with a former client who enthusiastically describes her new life and her joy tie back into our fundraising efforts? Does an informal or spontaneous endorsement from a colleague or city council member reflect the many hours of relationship building to arrive at this place of ease and understanding? And does all of that bring in the contributions? How does one justify time spent visioning the future and talking about it before ever designing projects to get there? How does one measure the worth of efforts to create a more just and equitable community? To inform, to teach, to listen, to encourage, to meet a need?

525,600 minutes.  How do you measure a year in a life?  -from “Rent, A Musical,” Seasons of Love


As 2012 draws to a close, our allotment of 525,600 minutes is dwindling.  And on January 1, 2013, we will receive a New Year’s gift: 525,600 new and shiny minutes.  Looking back over 2012 we might consider how many of our allotted minutes were dedicated to enhancing our seasons of love.  How many minutes were spent in suffering?  Some of us lost loved ones in 2012; others are dealing with our own health challenges or our limited life span.  Some of us welcomed new babies, began new jobs, moved to a different home, graduated, got married.  Some made extensive plans, some carried through on those plans, some continue to explore and elaborate.  Some of us spent a lot of minutes in loneliness or regret; for some, minutes are consumed by resentments.  How many minutes are spent in gratitude? In expectancy? In love?

525,600 minutes.  How do you measure the minutes in your life?

 

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golden platters

11/18/2012

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Picture
Thanksgiving - a time for giving thanks for all that we have -

        family, food, shelter, 

       good health, happiness, 
meaningful work, treasured friends, 
sweet memories, 
dreams for the future

Thanksgiving - a time for giving thanks for all that we are -

    beloved children of god, 

made in the image of the divine, 
birthright to be more than we can hold in our imagination

Thanksgiving - a time for giving thanks for all that we do -

  retire our judgments, 

extend love, 
restore balance, 
serve the cause of goodness, 
live compassion

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holy encounter

11/4/2012

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Recently I spoke with a former client.  We were recalling a time in her life years ago that was very unsettling.  Her husband had committed one of those unforgiveable acts, ___________.  We can probably fill in the blank with any number of those “unforgiveables” that mates or parents or children or friends commit.  It is not the act itself that is a set-in-stone unforgiveable one. It is our view of it, our personal set of values, usually our unexamined, habitual reactions, learned who knows when and where, that makes an act one of those unforgiveable ones. Who among us has not judged someone – or been judged – for committing something unforgiveable? 

An unforgiveable act may serve as a catalyst taking us into deeper examination of our values, our responses, our expectations and demands, the rules we live by.  That’s the way it was for my client.  Many of her friends urged her to pull out all her reserves of ammunition, her hidden resentments, the slights that she had accepted and tolerated.  They were pleased to help her stockpile the weapons, to justify her reasons to mete out harsh punishment, to create a war with no way of retreat – for him or for her.  Other friends became parental, under the guise of being helpful, by encouraging her to look at her own patterns, her wavering at places where she should have taken a stand or called him to account.  Still others told her this act could be a turning point for changing her own behavior; this friendly tactic being a subtle, “punish the victim” stance.

My client was a most amazing woman. Despite her pain, she remained balanced and secure within herself.  Never once did she deny what she was feeling.  She gave full expression to anger, to hopelessness, to grief, to confusion, to deep hurt, to smugness and self-righteousness, to moments of plotting revenge.  She suffered and she knew her suffering, she stayed with it as it did its work.  As for the conflicting advice from well-meaning friends, the place she returned to again and again was her own inner knowing:


          “That doesn’t feel right. That’s not who I am.  I wouldn’t do that or say that to anyone.  I    won’t stoop to that.  It may not make sense but I understand him and I don’t hate him, I love him.” 
            All of these ways of thinking and feeling and being were her touchstone.

In the process of living her own truth, without knowing where it would take her, she grew stronger.  By refusing to compromise her authentic self, she navigated the experience and emerged deepened in her knowing, more trusting of her own wisdom. 

The words of Leonard Cohen “love's the only engine of survival” were true for her, though she had never heard them.  She had not studied "A Course in Miracles" yet she vivified its core teachings:  

      When you meet anyone, remember it is a holy encounter.
      As you see him, you will see yourself.
      As you treat him, you will treat yourself.
      As you think of him, you will think of yourself.
      Never forget this, for in him you will find yourself or lose yourself.


I was immensely blessed by walking with her at this difficult time.  And as you can imagine, her love continues to bless the many who know the remarkable woman that she is.

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    musings may delight or disturb;  musings may spark new activity, sometimes. . . . .

    Phyllis shares current musings, momentary insights, process in motion.


    All reflections are original material copyrighted by Phyllis.  Please ask permission to quote, copy or reproduce. 



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