Living in the here and now

          "the child in us always knows the act, the thing, the understory to transform darkness into light, even in the darkest parts of whatever the old growth forest may be, until the last image of something changed or gone becomes the first image of something still standing, transformed, and newly found."
                                                                                                 -Candace Lee Street

     I have been struggling with writing this next segment of my story. It's so personal and in the telling, thus far, I have been reliving the past. Living in the past comes with a heavy price tag. The words of my friend Candy (above) speak of a more sacred way of holding the past. Her words touch me deeply and directly address my reluctance to share more details. The child in me knows. I also think, and Candy would agree, that what one of us experiences can be of benefit to us all. So I've decided that a short summary is enough to tell my story and trust that you will take from it what you will.

• what I think I know and believe intellectually is mutable and fleeting and is secondary to what I have learned experientially and proven with my whole being and now live with certainty;
• the mind is unquestionably the leader, the body always follows what the mind teaches;
• healing is of the mind, there is no other way.

In my case, my stroke had no physical cause.

• Blood tests following my stroke were consistent with results over the past twenty years: all measurements are right in the middle of normal.
• CT scan, MRI, ulrasounds, EKG, all tests of heart, blood vessels and brain were all clear - no blockages or damage of any kind.

And yet, a stroke happened. Warm and loving conversations, sharing personal stories years after they were experienced, recovering missing pieces to make sense of the whole and then a very natural response of empathy precipitated a spike in my blood pressure - the body follows the mind. Broken heart syndrome too strong for my body to handle. Damage to my brain created right sided weakness of my body. A two week hospital stay including speech therapy, physical and occupational therapy, was necessary to assess my condition and begin the healing. I graduated from each of those therapies sequentially; lastly, occupational therapy to regain strength and mobility in my arm and hand was completed in March. I was blessed with an extraordinary occupational therapist whose rigorous training and experience in Japan as well as his personality matched my needs precisely. His faith in my complete recovery lifted me up and inspired me. 

Pharmaceutical drugs are part of the protocol for stroke patients and those with high blood pressure. Nine categories of those specific drugs were tried, one after another, to lower my blood pressure. They didn't work for me. I experienced terrible side effects but none of the benefits. My blood pressure kept climbing dangerously higher; higher than at the time of my stroke. My innate wisdom knew a better way to heal; my body was attempting to communicate that better way. In February, with the concurrence of my doctor, I stopped all medications. I'm lowering my blood pressure through a functional medicine approach addressing causes not just symptoms. Combining the use of specific herbs, vitamins, a life enhancing diet, and adequate exercise, with a quiet mind, meditation and prayer, my days are unfolding in peace and gratitude. Above all, trusting in spiritual principles and practices developed over decades, I know for certain the purpose of this event in my life, the power and the redemption.

And so my healing process contines. My occupational therapist and others are confident that full recovery is possible. While I do the work, I'm treasuring the insights still being revealed, relationships deepened, serendipity, and frequent "aha" moments. All is well!

                       "The song I came to sing remains unsung to this day.
                        I have spent my days in stringing and in unstringing my instrument." 
                                                                     -Rabindranath Tagore