“How are you?”
“I’m fine. How are you?”
“I’m fine, too.”
How many times have we heard this common greeting between friends, neighbors, acquaintances? We’ve all heard it. We’ve all said it. It happens almost every time we meet someone. From those few impersonal yet pleasant words we move on. But what did we gain? We said the right words, performed the expected ritual, weren’t too intrusive, were just friendly enough. We encountered another human being but we learned nothing about each other.
Instead, consider this:
“How are you? Really.”
If you are fortunate to have the friend who asks, ‘How are you, really?’ or if you are the friend who asks, ‘How are you, really?’ you already know that you are creating a deeper conversation. There’s not much wiggle room here. There’s little room for vagueness and superficiality. Most of us actually long for someone to really listen to us, to really see us. It’s easy to hide behind, ‘I’m fine.’ A friend who says, ‘No, I mean, really,’ invites us to come out from hiding and tell the truth. And the truth is that most of us these days are living with a lot of sadness and fear. What is going to happen next? Will I be safe? Will my loved ones survive? Will I have enough? When will life be normal? First came COVID-19, then in the midst of that global pandemic came the murder of George Floyd and protests addressing much needed social justice reform. It is globally unsettling. Fear, outrage and sadness are being felt by everyone across the globe all of the time. There is a universal call for meaningful conversations. Shall we begin?
How are you, really???
“I’m fine. How are you?”
“I’m fine, too.”
How many times have we heard this common greeting between friends, neighbors, acquaintances? We’ve all heard it. We’ve all said it. It happens almost every time we meet someone. From those few impersonal yet pleasant words we move on. But what did we gain? We said the right words, performed the expected ritual, weren’t too intrusive, were just friendly enough. We encountered another human being but we learned nothing about each other.
Instead, consider this:
“How are you? Really.”
If you are fortunate to have the friend who asks, ‘How are you, really?’ or if you are the friend who asks, ‘How are you, really?’ you already know that you are creating a deeper conversation. There’s not much wiggle room here. There’s little room for vagueness and superficiality. Most of us actually long for someone to really listen to us, to really see us. It’s easy to hide behind, ‘I’m fine.’ A friend who says, ‘No, I mean, really,’ invites us to come out from hiding and tell the truth. And the truth is that most of us these days are living with a lot of sadness and fear. What is going to happen next? Will I be safe? Will my loved ones survive? Will I have enough? When will life be normal? First came COVID-19, then in the midst of that global pandemic came the murder of George Floyd and protests addressing much needed social justice reform. It is globally unsettling. Fear, outrage and sadness are being felt by everyone across the globe all of the time. There is a universal call for meaningful conversations. Shall we begin?
How are you, really???
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