I had one of those 3 a.m. appointments today. You know those wee hours when something bigger than the self is seeking your attention. I've avoided political rhetoric, judging the rightness and wrongness of one side or another; made little mention of guns, violence and crazy people. But something bigger than me had much to say. I listened and, as faithfully as I can recall by the light of day, wrote what I received. 

​after all
 
it is not that i am in the world
it is not that i come to know the light
or the darkness
it is not that i delight in the fragrance, the mood, the color
of the forest, the rainstorm, or ocean waves
it is not that i gaze upon the mountain peak in wonder
it is not that i blend in with crowds in the marketplace,
the sounds of traffic, the smells of foods, the laughter
of families, the fury of violence
it is not that i am awestruck by
the full moon and the silence of stars
it is not that i evolve, become more
gentle, more wise, move loving
it is not that i am apart from the pain
or the glory
the meanness
or compassion
it is not
that i give
or receive
 
not
it is not
but
it IS
I AM
I BE
unbound
At-One
All
 

monarch
 
 
Alejandra weaves among exotic booths
at the spice market
pure light gathering
a scoop of saffron
a vial of poppy seeds
fine minced vanilla bean
dustings upon transparent wings
 
released from the bindings of
her outgrown cocoon
she rises, effortless,
begins her
thousand mile transmigration
unencumbered
all lightness and beauty
 
-  © 13 june 2016  -

 “I had a farm in Africa. . . . .” So begins the movie “Out of Africa” with its magnificent vistas of place and the complexities of individuals and society. It is a true story based on a transformational segment of Isak Dinisen’s life. Robert Redford and Meryl Streep flawlessly portray Dennis and Karin, multi-dimensional characters whose love story is passionate, strong and unshakeable. Throughout the movie, the depths and nuances of their personalities are revealed and challenged and grow in depth and breadth. Stereotypes and limitations of society and culture are exposed and dismantled. I’ve watched this film numerous times and as I have changed, I’m able to garner deeper meanings from the message. I highly recommend Out of Africa.
 
I had a farm in Washington. . . . So begins a transformational segment in my life. True, my farm belonged to others; they generously invited me to make it my own. I cleaned and painted the inside, weeded and planted on the outside. I fed horses and cats, drove tractors, chased coyotes, adopted Sophie, walked for miles on back country roads, sat mesmerized by morning mist. I ventured alone into the mountains and to the seaside, found really good coffee shops, met extremely talented poets and artists, rode the ferry to the islands and the Amtrak to Seattle. My great love story was with my daughter and son-in-law and my grandchildren just a mile down the road, and with my newly retired and emerging self. Our characters unfolded over time, we grew more deeply connected.
 
I needed this time, more than I could have imagined. For three years, I let go of what had been my familiar landscapes of work and relationships, beliefs and ways of being, and beloved geographic underpinnings. In so doing, I found spaciousness, room to welcome and embrace the new. I also was able to re-member the past, allow it to settle into place in memory, gilded with a fresh patina of appreciation. I found new strength and clarity. I learned how to listen to the All around me and within me; how to express the All in words and photographs.  I learned how to love larger and fall into Love everyday.
 
I had a farm in Washington. . . .

numbers

 
hidden from the prying eyes
 of old familiars
far from prattling voices of the shoulds
I have become an origami master
 
yesterday I set four
brightly colored birds aflutter
in late evening twilight
last week seven tiny boats
scuttled out to sea
the new moon beckons to
my many petaled flowers
darkness broke the bloody dagger,
the shield, the sword
 
sixty-seven train cars stuffed
with memories and clutter
hauled out from the interior
sit empty
rusting in tall grass
thin origami papers blown free

- © 2011 pab -