"Today was a Difficult Day," said Winnie the Pooh.

There was a pause.

"Do you want to talk about it?" asked Piglet. 

"No," said Pooh after a bit. "No, I don't think I do."

"That's okay," said Piglet, and he came and sat beside his friend.

"What are you doing?" asked Pooh. 

"Nothing, really," said Piglet. "Only I know what Difficult Days are like. I quite often don't feel like talking about it on my Difficult Days either.  
"But goodness," continued Piglet, "Difficult Days are so much easier when you know you've got someone there for you, Pooh."

And as Pooh sat there, working through in his head his Difficult Day, while the solid, reliable Piglet sat next to him quietly, swinging his little legs....he thought that his best friend had never been more right.


    -and we will continue-

​Standing on the cusp of my life
a thin wisp of a moment granted me
for musing, for questions

Looking at the past, its fleeting seconds,
what have I gleaned, what will I keep
to cherish, to ponder deep in my heart

Looking to the future from the edge of forever,
can I see dimly, what can I dream into being,
what is mine to do

In this place at this moment, hushed,
I stand still with the sun,
Solstice Being I Am​

​​ through the nights of deepest darkness
of far awayness and all aloneness,
dawns the Daybreak Star declaring:

‘Look here! And here! Look everywhere!
Love is born today! Always and forever!
​Love is all there is!’

Who is Jesus to you? Thousands of books have been written about him, thousands of sermons have been preached about him, thousands of conversations have attempted to define him.  During this Holy Week I have been asking myself, "Who is Jesus to you?"

Notice I'm not asking, "What have you learned about Jesus? What do others say about who Jesus was?What do we know about him?" These questions are impersonal, past tense and of the intellect. I'm not asking "what" but "who." Not "was" but "is." I asked all these questions this week. I thought about all that I have learned about Palm Sunday, Maundy Thursday, Good Friday. I thought about death and resurrection and faith and denial and hope. Then on Saturday, without thinking about it, came my answer: Who is Jesus to you?

to be continued ......

​It's late winter. A time of waiting for the ice to melt, the ground to thaw, the earth to bloom again. If we have allowed for the work of winter, our waiting time, we are so much richer for it. We have changed just as the earth has. We will again be flowering into our new lives. We will be full with expectation and possibilities. We will know ourselves more deeply. 

May blessings be upon each of us and upon our winter of waiting with all its gifts!

While the moon is swimming upside down under the lake
and all the fishes sprout feet to walk on the surface of the sky
and the wind, which is still, picks me up and whirls me round and round beyond earth,
I grab for the nearest branches and cling to a safe haven for now
and here I wait for Badger to fly close enough for me to hitch a ride on her back
and travel with her deep deep down to the roots at the center of home.  
               -pab 2/2021-
 
     
     Have you noticed that we’re all playing “Follow the Leader?”  The leader may run then stop suddenly, reverse direction, skip a few steps, hop, or jump sideways. We never know what he or she will do next and that’s the fun of the game. We love the unpredictable nature of it.  When we are children, the game is so innocent.
 
     But this is not such an innocent game for adults. We are now living in times of great chaos on many fronts. We eagerly consume our daily dose of the news and choose whom we will follow whether or not that leader knows the facts and tells us the truth. Then when enough followers fall in line, it’s easy to now follow the crowd at the tremendous cost of believing a leader and a crowd who may not have done their own research to uncover the truth. When we do begin to question and give no credence to others until we have discovered as much as we possibly can, we may receive harsh criticism or pointed exclusion.
 
     I am reminded of these words from the song, The Great Mandala:
             ‘ Take your place on the Great Mandala
               as it moves through your brief moment of time,
               win or lose now, you must choose now,
               and if you lose you’re only losing your life.’
 
     Are we choosing to follow the leader? Or to sort through all the chaos and confusion and be still for a minute? Can you trust your own heart, your own knowing to guide you? My answer is Yes! You can and must trust yourself! We have a long line of ancestors informing our knowing and intuition. They can be trusted to guide us “in the way of truth.”
 

      My favorite TV show is Hometown on the DIY network. Ben and Erin, husband and wife, team up to transform neglected and overlooked houses in their hometown of Laurel, Mississippi. They love the houses and the possibilities of each one: "like a pretty girl who doesn't know she's pretty," says Erin.  "Sometimes people just don't see the beauty that's right in front of them," according to Ben. But Ben and Erin see that beauty and their transformations create homes to love for the new owners. And for their many viewers like me!

     That brings me to my word for the year. Many possibilities floated around in my head all month. Finally one word stuck around: "Revelation." Not like the apocalyptic prophesies of John in the last book of the Christian Bible. But a little like that. "Apocalypse" means the revealing of Divine mysteries. As Ben says, "sometimes people don't see the beauty that's right in front of them!"

     If we learned anything in 2020, we learned about perception. There are as many perceptions as there are people! This year I want to experience the apocalypse, to see more of the mystery and the beauty that's right in front of me. Come along. More will be revealed!

How does your balance sheet look? In many ways it seemed that 2020 gave us all a negative balance.  On a global scale, many of us suffered losses unlike anything we have experienced in our lifetimes. And many of us feel the same way on a personal level; 2020 cut to the heart of everything that seemed normal and predictable and demanded that we adopt new ways of thinking and feeling.  Whenever we seemed to be gaining some control, the world tilted once more and we were forced to refocus and rebalance. The entire year was unstable!
 
In some ways, I had a distinct advantage. I was given a chance at trying to rebalance my life when I had a stroke in October 2017. Meeting and exceeding the physical markers established by my speech and physical and occupational therapists, meant that I was on the road to recovery. By spring of 2018 I was sure that before long, I would be back to my normal abilities and that stroke would be a distant memory.  But try as hard as I could, I came to realize that the brain has its own timetable and no amount of physical effort will rebuild the broken connections and restore the body to normal. I had to give up many activities that I loved because my brain simply did not have the capacity to do too much. I could only talk on the phone for a few minutes and only to one person in a day; I couldn’t handle more. Often I was exhausted the next day after the slightest activity and needed a lot of rest. I was like an infant that needs a nap – too much stimulation would cause my whole being to shut down.  I gradually began to face my reality and to say no more often. I learned to take better care of myself, to listen to my own needs instead of trying to conform to what others thought I “should” be able to do.  In so doing I uncovered my unique nature and rediscovered all the things that give me pleasure such as getting lost in great music or art, reading inspiring authors, sharing deep thoughts with a few soul-full friends. I spend lots of quiet time listening to my own knowing; recognizing the gifts that have accrued over a long life of adventures, mistakes, sorrows and great joys!
 
Then 2020 came along asking all of us to change our ways. It seemed to demand that we give up so much. To stay home, to not meet with friends, not go to restaurants, parties, concerts. To do more with less, to accept the finiteness and fragility of life, and so many deaths. To wear a mask and fear others who could infect us and cause our own premature death.  To witness the unraveling of our society and truly see our racism and privilege and sense of entitlement played out large for all to see.  To be aware of our outrage and anger and our propensity to name the enemy as anyone who disagrees with us.  We spent more time alone or outside in nature. If we were fortunate, we began to truly see who we are behind the mask.  Only with this vision can we begin the hard work of forgiveness and justice and rebuilding from the inside out.
 
Now in 2021 maybe we can look more realistically, honestly and prayerfully at our own balance sheet. What have we lost and what are true gains? My stroke helped me begin this accounting in 2017. I have a few physical losses that are improving at their own right speed.   I have gained  spaciousness and freedom: slowing down so I’m able to “see” more, “hear” more; appreciating the insights that come more easily now; letting go of struggle and striving to do more, have more, be more; experiencing Silence that’s filled with revelations; allowing time to let Grace flow as it will; savoring a few precious friendships, family.  Doing less “out there” and cherishing the more “in here.” Feeling so blessed and cared for and watched over by Spirit/God.  Feeling so large and a part of Everything That Is. Lacking nothing I have been gifted with everything. I count my few losses as essential to recognizing my true gains. And I am grateful.