​​ through the nights of deepest darkness
of far awayness and all aloneness,
dawns the Daybreak Star declaring:

‘Look here! And here! Look everywhere!
Love is born today! Always and forever!
​Love is all there is!’

Who is Jesus to you? Thousands of books have been written about him, thousands of sermons have been preached about him, thousands of conversations have attempted to define him.  During this Holy Week I have been asking myself, "Who is Jesus to you?"

Notice I'm not asking, "What have you learned about Jesus? What do others say about who Jesus was?What do we know about him?" These questions are impersonal, past tense and of the intellect. I'm not asking "what" but "who." Not "was" but "is." I asked all these questions this week. I thought about all that I have learned about Palm Sunday, Maundy Thursday, Good Friday. I thought about death and resurrection and faith and denial and hope. Then on Saturday, without thinking about it, came my answer: Who is Jesus to you?

to be continued ......

​It's late winter. A time of waiting for the ice to melt, the ground to thaw, the earth to bloom again. If we have allowed for the work of winter, our waiting time, we are so much richer for it. We have changed just as the earth has. We will again be flowering into our new lives. We will be full with expectation and possibilities. We will know ourselves more deeply. 

May blessings be upon each of us and upon our winter of waiting with all its gifts!

While the moon is swimming upside down under the lake
and all the fishes sprout feet to walk on the surface of the sky
and the wind, which is still, picks me up and whirls me round and round beyond earth,
I grab for the nearest branches and cling to a safe haven for now
and here I wait for Badger to fly close enough for me to hitch a ride on her back
and travel with her deep deep down to the roots at the center of home.  
               -pab 2/2021-
 
     
     Have you noticed that we’re all playing “Follow the Leader?”  The leader may run then stop suddenly, reverse direction, skip a few steps, hop, or jump sideways. We never know what he or she will do next and that’s the fun of the game. We love the unpredictable nature of it.  When we are children, the game is so innocent.
 
     But this is not such an innocent game for adults. We are now living in times of great chaos on many fronts. We eagerly consume our daily dose of the news and choose whom we will follow whether or not that leader knows the facts and tells us the truth. Then when enough followers fall in line, it’s easy to now follow the crowd at the tremendous cost of believing a leader and a crowd who may not have done their own research to uncover the truth. When we do begin to question and give no credence to others until we have discovered as much as we possibly can, we may receive harsh criticism or pointed exclusion.
 
     I am reminded of these words from the song, The Great Mandala:
             ‘ Take your place on the Great Mandala
               as it moves through your brief moment of time,
               win or lose now, you must choose now,
               and if you lose you’re only losing your life.’
 
     Are we choosing to follow the leader? Or to sort through all the chaos and confusion and be still for a minute? Can you trust your own heart, your own knowing to guide you? My answer is Yes! You can and must trust yourself! We have a long line of ancestors informing our knowing and intuition. They can be trusted to guide us “in the way of truth.”
 

      My favorite TV show is Hometown on the DIY network. Ben and Erin, husband and wife, team up to transform neglected and overlooked houses in their hometown of Laurel, Mississippi. They love the houses and the possibilities of each one: "like a pretty girl who doesn't know she's pretty," says Erin.  "Sometimes people just don't see the beauty that's right in front of them," according to Ben. But Ben and Erin see that beauty and their transformations create homes to love for the new owners. And for their many viewers like me!

     That brings me to my word for the year. Many possibilities floated around in my head all month. Finally one word stuck around: "Revelation." Not like the apocalyptic prophesies of John in the last book of the Christian Bible. But a little like that. "Apocalypse" means the revealing of Divine mysteries. As Ben says, "sometimes people don't see the beauty that's right in front of them!"

     If we learned anything in 2020, we learned about perception. There are as many perceptions as there are people! This year I want to experience the apocalypse, to see more of the mystery and the beauty that's right in front of me. Come along. More will be revealed!

How does your balance sheet look? In many ways it seemed that 2020 gave us all a negative balance.  On a global scale, many of us suffered losses unlike anything we have experienced in our lifetimes. And many of us feel the same way on a personal level; 2020 cut to the heart of everything that seemed normal and predictable and demanded that we adopt new ways of thinking and feeling.  Whenever we seemed to be gaining some control, the world tilted once more and we were forced to refocus and rebalance. The entire year was unstable!
 
In some ways, I had a distinct advantage. I was given a chance at trying to rebalance my life when I had a stroke in October 2017. Meeting and exceeding the physical markers established by my speech and physical and occupational therapists, meant that I was on the road to recovery. By spring of 2018 I was sure that before long, I would be back to my normal abilities and that stroke would be a distant memory.  But try as hard as I could, I came to realize that the brain has its own timetable and no amount of physical effort will rebuild the broken connections and restore the body to normal. I had to give up many activities that I loved because my brain simply did not have the capacity to do too much. I could only talk on the phone for a few minutes and only to one person in a day; I couldn’t handle more. Often I was exhausted the next day after the slightest activity and needed a lot of rest. I was like an infant that needs a nap – too much stimulation would cause my whole being to shut down.  I gradually began to face my reality and to say no more often. I learned to take better care of myself, to listen to my own needs instead of trying to conform to what others thought I “should” be able to do.  In so doing I uncovered my unique nature and rediscovered all the things that give me pleasure such as getting lost in great music or art, reading inspiring authors, sharing deep thoughts with a few soul-full friends. I spend lots of quiet time listening to my own knowing; recognizing the gifts that have accrued over a long life of adventures, mistakes, sorrows and great joys!
 
Then 2020 came along asking all of us to change our ways. It seemed to demand that we give up so much. To stay home, to not meet with friends, not go to restaurants, parties, concerts. To do more with less, to accept the finiteness and fragility of life, and so many deaths. To wear a mask and fear others who could infect us and cause our own premature death.  To witness the unraveling of our society and truly see our racism and privilege and sense of entitlement played out large for all to see.  To be aware of our outrage and anger and our propensity to name the enemy as anyone who disagrees with us.  We spent more time alone or outside in nature. If we were fortunate, we began to truly see who we are behind the mask.  Only with this vision can we begin the hard work of forgiveness and justice and rebuilding from the inside out.
 
Now in 2021 maybe we can look more realistically, honestly and prayerfully at our own balance sheet. What have we lost and what are true gains? My stroke helped me begin this accounting in 2017. I have a few physical losses that are improving at their own right speed.   I have gained  spaciousness and freedom: slowing down so I’m able to “see” more, “hear” more; appreciating the insights that come more easily now; letting go of struggle and striving to do more, have more, be more; experiencing Silence that’s filled with revelations; allowing time to let Grace flow as it will; savoring a few precious friendships, family.  Doing less “out there” and cherishing the more “in here.” Feeling so blessed and cared for and watched over by Spirit/God.  Feeling so large and a part of Everything That Is. Lacking nothing I have been gifted with everything. I count my few losses as essential to recognizing my true gains. And I am grateful.
                                                             

​We have almost reached the end of this year. It has probably been a year like no other we have ever experienced! In March we started joining together in prayer or silent meditation for 10 minutes each Saturday morning. Thank you to all of you who took a few minutes to stop and join with many others. Thank you for telling me that when you were participating, you felt the connection to others and a feeling of calmness. And thanks for keeping up the practice the entire year!  I plan to keep it up next year and invite you to join me every Saturday morning.
 
I began 2020 by telling you that my word for the year was witness. It really became the touchstone for the year.  We witnessed so many twists and turns all year and there was hardly any steady ground anywhere. Each time we began to think we might be seeing some kind of resting place, some things or everything shifted, and we had to adjust, again. From the Covid virus to the political insanity, to racial violence, to food insecurity, to unemployment, to evictions, to business closures, to rabid voices on social media, we have been attempting to hold onto our sanity in an increasingly crazy world.  How has it been for you?
 
To witness became the challenge of a lifetime.  If we think quite literally about “to witness” we had enough watching the unfolding of events to keep us busy 24/7 for several more lifetimes!  For those of us who approach life seeking the meaning behind the events, we have earned an advanced degree in witnessing! What is the meaning behind the political battling? Behind the poverty and loss on so many fronts? Behind the angry voices calling for justice and reform? Behind the virus and the death and the loneliness?
 
More importantly, have you taken the extraordinary opportunity given us this year, as the precious gift that it is? We’ve been given the gift of silence and isolation.  In that gift lies the opportunity to observe how we respond to the world. It is an opportunity for soul-searching, for a closer encounter with ourselves and our God and everything that we think gives meaning to our lives. Dwelling in silence we may discover regrets. We may want to choose to begin again or to recreate what has been into what is more fitting now. We may discover what activities really matter to us and what is no longer so important. We may discover all that is right in our world! We may develop a new way of perceiving people and events, relationships with others, with our faith and values, even with ourselves! We may be getting reacquainted with ourselves in an entirely different way and find the selves we truly are, long forgotten and hiding under layers of living! I hope you have received and accepted the ultimate gift of witnessing this year: that you have come in silence, and with patience, to know and love the precious unique being that you are!

      We are living in contentious and unsettling times; in a world of winners vs. losers. A simple comment can start a battle that wounds and separates neighbors, friends, and family members. We all seem to be hyper-vigilant to catch that moment when we can say whatever we must in order to be right and to harshly judge or dismiss those we see as being wrong. We are tired and on edge. So tired!
But there is another way. The way of the Buddha and the Tao, of early Christian mystics and wisdom keepers. And the way of Indigenous Peoples. These are ways that are thousands of years old. Yes, there were conflicts and disagreements. But inherent in these ways is a different worldview and a different understanding of the Spiritual realms. We can again learn these ways of seeing and being. In fact, we must learn if, indeed, we would save ourselves and our universe.

     For the better part of four decades, I have been blessed with deep friendships with Lakota, Dakota and Ojibwe Peoples. They have welcomed me, befriended me, taught and mentored me. They have shared their homes, their families, their food, their sacred ceremonies and oral traditions with me. They have made me a relative and have prayed with me and for me. These relationships are solemn and sacred, a lifetime commitment.  I did not seek this way but it found me. It has given me a calm and peaceful center and confidence and trust in a non-dual universe, a circular worldview.

     Most Native Peoples have unitive consciousness. There is life or Spirit in all things - in the deer and the buffalo, the butterfly and the flower, the waters and the rocks, sky, wind, rain and sun, the eagle and the bear, the fishes and the humans. All are in relationship with one another, none superior or inferior but equal in importance and reliant on one another. The Lakota term "mitakuye oyasin" means 'all my relatives' and implies all of these mutually supportive and interdependent relationships. 

     Foundational to this unitive consciousness is the knowing that all of life is sacred and that this Sacred is a constant movement or energy flow. A Lakota Spiritual Elder who was one of my first teachers often speaks these teachings saying, "Taku Wakan Skan Skan," which can be translated 'something Sacred is moving here.'  But this translation does not convey all that Lakota Peoples know of the teaching behind the words.  As close as our Western minds can come to grasp these teachings of relatedness, and Spirit in all things, and Sacred Moving is in the understanding of quantum physics or sacred geometry; scientific validation of ancient indigenous knowledge. We can speak of a holographic or holistic universe that is non-dualistic and each is a part of every other.

     We are on the brink of creating a new world that is more loving and inclusive. It is long overdue. We are beginning to see with the eye of our hearts. Native prophesies have long spoken of these times. Our indigenous brothers and sisters have been waiting for us. They reach to us in friendship and love and inclusion. 

In respect and appreciation of my Native teachers and friends,
I offer these words.
​

indigenous
 
Does Raven exist apart from the Sun,
or Corn apart from Squash and Beans,
or soft brain-tanned Moccasins apart from
Sacred Fire and Buffalo?
Does the Tree exist apart from the Sky,
or the Waters apart from the Lands,
or the flutter of Butterfly wings
​from Warm Winds,
or My Life apart from Yours?
 
 
© phyllis boernke  11  November 2020​